My Spine

Today I created a poem based on the order of book titles in my collection (thanks Huddersfield New College library for the inspiration!). Without realising I’ve probably placed certain titles together in a certain order, and when read as a text some of the words make sense or take on new meanings in unexpected ways. What do you come up with?

“Hot milk

we should all be feminists

why be happy when you can be normal

a girl is a half-formed thing

Harmless like you

your family your body

men explain things to me

if I’m scared we can’t win

hystopia

brand new ancients

I love this part

Spectacles

The Bricks that Built the Houses”

Graduation

“Today marks a gateway to a future

which can hold on for just one more minute.

For now,

It’s about being proud.

All the hours at the library,

vindicated.

Study booth book tower uncomfy pillow,

Theorising throwing a silent housewarming

party to cries of “the library is my new home…”

 

All the stress,

Intellectual and mental health tests,

When it felt like it might be sink instead of swim,

Toes in at the deep end,

Push up, and here you are,

Reading the Thank You page,

The parents, carers, partner, friends, the helpful experts who lent a hand.

 

People hug and beam,

Proud as punch,

Punch-drunk on a heady elixir of fulfilment with a dash of fear

Of the unknown, that rogue.

But here is the finish line, for the current round.

What next? What was it all for?

Hold those thoughts,

the day is yours.

 

EMC

Release

Teeth brushed clean,

bra unclipped,

first fresh air,

shoes unslipped.

 

Downpour in the heat,

fresh clean sheets,

flash-filled kitchen floats on the scent of coffee beans.

 

Post-hike pint,

pre-booked taxi arrives on time,

first shower after the fest,

sink into pillows instead of wet grass-mess.

 

Downers on the outside,

crashing loud, a landslide,

blissful moments just in reach,

unfold,

if incomplete.

Side by side,

Weighted nights by fleet-foot rays of light.

 

EMC

Photo by the author.

 

 

Realise

She walks all night

But it’s summer

So it’s still light

And what is night looks like day,

The moon

At play.

Kneading the frustration

Out on her skin

Almonds and honey rise,

Fake scent from the bottle

But she isn’t going to

Mix it herself,

So the imitation it is.

If you didn’t know in advance

Could you tell

A blind test

Every time my mouth meets another’s.

When I tasted her,

I thought she was the real thing.

EC

Image: Summer, Margaret Macdonald, c1894

Take it Easy

Pushing through, improving

When you feel like you’re not moving,

Tethered, same old mooring,

Feels like you don’t know what you’re doing.

 

Like a boulder on your back,

A form of self-attack,

Circumstances may have stalled,

And now you beat yourself down small.

 

‘Should’ can help or hinder,

Indicating mistakes or wrongs.

But magnified, turned inward

can also cast some shadows, long;

I should be better

I should be further

I should know all of the answers

I should have done this

I should have fixed it

I should be creating chances.

 

When all the power’s in your hands

And things are not according to your plans

So the logic goes, who else is to blame;

You set the fire, feel the flames.

Embrace your own autonomy

Your independent thought is free,

That is your responsibility.

But if you’re trying your level best

When the arrows just won’t rest,

Know that you are sound,

Sometimes solutions are waiting to be found.

They may require chipping out and carving, dug with your own muster,

But some assistance or opportunity can come from another.

Supportive words, a listening ear, or two,

Someone who believes in you.

And the light might not always cast itself in your direction,

But keep seeking,

Hand outstretched,

everywhere,

And it may just be met, half way in mid air.

 

A lattice of interlocking light,

Shines bright as kindness keeps alight

Our hearts like stars,

Connected by these threads

Like kites, balloons, or paper planes bobbing on a mobile above your head.

 

Paths leaves scars as you find your way

And in the pause of some relief

Breathe in  deep

Before submerging –

Because it will all come round again,

The rushing, never ending, one of those days, lack of sleep

This time when it’s really what you need,

For passions of whatever kind,

That soothe your heart and give you peace of mind.

 

EMC